Weekend Writing Warriors 1/10/16 Blue streaks and spilled beans

Here I am again, sorry I missed the last couple weeks. Continuing to post from my novel-in-progress, working title Night Shift. This is for Weekend Writing Warriors – which, as you may know, is an awesome blog hop not just for writers, but readers too. Just about every genre is represented, so please do have a look at the other excerpts from fantastic writers.

For this week’s excerpt, I’m staying in the same scene. Previous excerpts are here and here. The first person speaking is Kazimir, who is Devorah’s (our heroine) mentor. This bit explains what drives Devorah throughout the novel.

“I thought you and Azura went shopping,” he said. “What happened to your dirty-blonde hair?”

“I’m water-aligned, so yeah, blue streaks. Listen, Azura spilled a lot of beans. Something’s going on upstairs that us soldiers aren’t supposed to know about, and our demon group might have something to do with my dad’s death. That might be why the cops’ investigation stalled. This might be the break I’ve been waiting for.”

This is still very much a work in progress. Some of my current critiquers are still expressing some confusion over events in the first chapter, so I fully expect that to be reworked a bunch of times.

The issue of names continues to be something of an issue for some folks. Some are telling me the first chapter verges on having too many, others say they really want the main character’s name in the first scene (and some say they don’t care), some want to know who everybody is right away and how they all relate to each other. Ihhh, this is chapter ONE, guys. If I explain the relationships right now, then I’ll be told the chapter bogs down.

Writing is hard, and sometimes reading is too, apparently!

Please keep your fingers crossed that the dreaded Lake Effect Snow Machine only cranks up to the lowest level this week. I’ve had enough of the cold white stuff to last sixty years! And thanks for visiting my little blog.


16 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors 1/10/16 Blue streaks and spilled beans

  1. It reads nicely to me and I love the descriptions peppered into dialogue. Wonder what we will discover! Fingers crossed you don’t get much snow. Still weirdly warm in this part of the world. Look forward to reading more next week. 🙂


  2. It is hard for me, visiting you for the first time, to judge your writing style, especially on a short snippet of ten lines. I almost never read science fiction, which makes it even harder to judge. But I like to support authors in any genre, so I thought I would give it a try. I did go back and read your earlier snippets to help me understand what is going on in the story, but I am still struggling with what things like what water-aligned blue streaks, and our demon group mean. However, that aside, I can sense Devorah’s urge to find her father’s killer. Good luck with the book.


    • Hi Rachel, it’s nice to see you. Night Shift is actually a fantasy, though to be honest I’m not sure what *kind* of fantasy. Paranormal, urban, something else? LOL! The business of writing is too complicated. It’s hard to get a complete picture of a novel when you only see certain bits and pieces. But thanks so much for reading and trying to understand it 🙂


  3. Some key information in today’s snippet, for sure. I’d strongly advise introducing the main character (and her name) as soon as possible in the beginning of the book because you want your readers to identify with her and care about her, not be confused. Confused readers tend to give up, DNF and move on to another book, especially in this day and age! Best wishes, nice to see you back :).


  4. Sounds like you have some impatient readers! ROFL….Of course, I’m one of those readers who HATES having everything spelled out for her. Give the reader some credit, you know? As long as you can get some sense of what’s going on in the present scene, your reader should be able to pick up the rest as you go along.

    Names, yes. Specifics of the current situation, yes. But too much backstory/introducing too many characters at once just bogs everything down.

    Of course, all that’s my own opinion. LOL. Just from that one snippet I have no trouble giving you the benefit of the doubt as I read forward.


  5. Stephanie, Veronica, and Amalie, I really appreciate all of you dropping in! “what readers want” seems to be one of those elusive things, like “what women want.” I do think that the brevity and instantaneous quality of social media have affected the way a lot of people read. Personally, I like to have some information rolled out gradually in novels. But I grew up holding books and turning pages, delighting in long novels.

    Thanks for the input, dear friends. It means a lot.


  6. Hi Marcia, I agree that writing is hard. And maybe that’s why we love it! My only advice is: don’t give up perfecting your craft, it is always worth it! I enjoyed your snippet- it made me want to read more.


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